I give up on dating
It’s really not fair that you’ve had to wait this long, or go on blind dates, endure bad sex, settle for ‘meh’ relationships, feel misunderstood, cry from loneliness, wrap your arms around a pillow as you fall asleep at night. This is my best stuff and I’m giving it to you absolutely free.
By the time the guy rolled up, half an hour late and no valid excuse at hand, I was drunk, silently vowing to never again put so much pressure on myself that I thought a blowout would make or break someone's feelings for me. Until recently, the common lady/age trope was the cougar—an older women pretending to be younger.As I sipped, I slowly realized that over the course of nine years of dating in New York, I'd spent thousands at Sephora and Drybar, fought back tears while pantsless at the hands of merciless waxers, skipped the "relaxing facial" in favor of "deep pore cleansing brutality," worn tights not pants in zero-degree weather.I realized that, at best, I didn't remember most of the names of the guys I did this for, because they were mostly two-date randoms.Until they realized they had to put in effort and actually get to know me. Every time I felt like there was something wrong with me. But, instead of walking away feeling loved, I felt teased, mistreated, angry, and hurting.It wasn’t worth waiting for them, and they soon left. The guys had used me for what they needed, and when I was no longer of use to them, they left.I ranted to my friends until they couldn’t take it anymore. He said okay, mewed an apology and insisted we keep seeing each other. The shock came from the fact that I had taken such pains to clearly articulate what it was I needed, had invited him to have an open conversation and then ended up being entirely disregarded. Alongside the wage gap and the emotional labour gap, the antics of softboys, f-ckboys, fading and ghosting constitute a pronounced communication gap. Regardless of whether the circumstances involve just hooking up or the potential for a relationship, men are ignoring what women are asking for.
Later the same week, when the brother of a man I’d slept with months before invited me to a games night attended mainly by people who were strangers to me, I went. People of all genders are guilty of bad behaviour, but women are taught from childhood that they need to monitor and be responsible for other people’s feelings. They don’t care if we get off, and they don’t care if our feelings get hurt.
It’s hard when men are simply not nice and treat you like shit. The guys that expect you to put out on a third date. The relationships I had been in weren’t the best for my self-esteem.
This kept happening to me while I was single and I finally got fed up. Every guy I casually dated, or flirted it up with was fun… I’ve learned from my relationships and don’t regret them.
We texted every day in a fiery and amusing fashion, and shared a similar sense of humour. Cats are assholes, but at least they’re consistent.
They don’t, for example, make New Year’s Eve plans with you and then act like you’re the thirstiest bitch alive when you text them about it later. Instagram accounts like @beigecardigan, @mytherapistsays, @betches and @bustle are full of memes about how it’s better to stay home than see anyone at all, let alone spending precious hours plucking each errant hair from one’s genitals, smearing one’s face with numerous paints, and going out of doors solely to catch some rogue male’s eye.
I have been in two relationships during the past year so I didn’t have to deal with dating scene that much. You feel like nothing more than a piece of ass sometimes and it honestly hurts your soul.